Let's Talk About Body Image

A question that I don't hear very often is, "Do you feel secure in your own skin? Do you have

any body image issues?"

People assume that because I am a sex worker, because I appear nude on camera, because I

come across as so self confident, that I couldn't possibly have any issues in these areas. *cue

sarcastic laughter*

Even when I was in high school, and was lithe and athletic, I was self conscious of my body.

Even if I had that body today, I would still be self conscious. When you grow up being bullied,

your looks are often the first thing that come under attack. For a young girl, some of those things

stick.

One of those thoughtless things that was said was "Thunder Thighs". Years later, a compliment

that has become the counter balance to that thought was as follows: During a conversation with

one of the first Doms that I ever got involved with, I asked him what the first thing that drew him

to me was. Keeping in mind that we met when I was working at a café. My typical work attire

was yoga pants and a 'wife beater'. His response was "The first thing I thought was 'Wow,

there's a pair of thighs a man could get lost between'."

So that's the kind of thing I try to keep in mind when I'm running around in short shorts, or a mini

skirt, or just my panties, or nothing at all. It's the thing I try to cling to when I'm dreading the

thought of having to go clothes shopping, or, heaven forbid, purchase my first bikini.

I spend a fair amount of time re­watching the footage of porn I've shot. Often spending an hour

at a time taking stills from the footage. I have described this as an exercise in self confidence. I

make the quip that I am slowly learning to see past the cottage cheese. But here's the stupid

thing. I don't find fault in other people's bodies! Only my own! I'm my own worst critic. I find all

body types appealing to some degree. I find small physical flaws like skin tags, or scars, or the

aforementioned cottage cheese, fascinating! I have an oral fixation and am a visual learner, so I

love things like that!

I don't fake orgasms, but the self confidence that I exude is something sorely won. There are

still some days that I don't want to look in the mirror, or wear anything revealing.

So please, if you're hesitating to give me, or any other sex worker or adult entertainer a

compliment, because you think that it will sound corny, or cheesy, or that we don't need that

little confidence boost, please remember that at the end of the day, we are people too. A kind

word goes a long way, cheesy or not :P

How I Discovered an Interest in BDSM

This is one of my favourite stories to tell *smirk*

I blame my Dad, and not in some twisted, incestuous, CAS ­involved way, so cool your jets!

For starters, one of Dad's favourite sayings as I was growing up, was, "Whip me, beat me, just

don't bore me!" Nuff said?

I was always an avid reader, reading things like Jack London's White Fang on my own by the

third grade. When I got to the 6th grade, Dad handed me a book called Raga Six. To this day, I

don't know if he did what he is sometimes notorious for, and simply skim read it, saw it was

about the occult, and decided I might enjoy it, or he just honestly didn't know that it involved

some really explicit, and even gruesome, sex scenes. It's sort of one of those questions that I

just don't want to know the answer to.

I was definitely turned on by said scenes. But to be honest, I can remember having what I can

now describe as Master/Slave fantasies when masturbating at the ripe age of 8. Make­believe

games with one female friend in particular always ended up with her being some poor victim

trussed up that I was to rescue from rape, or to be the rapist (her idea, but I was into it). I also

ended up trussed up and threatened with a (toy) knife at one point. Besides the fact that it

scared the hell out of me, it was certainly scintillating.

As I grew older, internal mantras when masturbating turned to things like, "You can't rape the

willing" and "Rape is just sex you didn't know you wanted". So apparently consensual non

consent was something that I wanted to experience. This was going on starting around age 16.

My first lover was mostly vanilla. A little light hair pulling and gentle spanking were about as far

as we got outside of 'normal'. Though we did 'swing' with another, older couple. My first attempt

with anal was with these two guys. But they were both a little too impatient, so I tapped out. Too

much pain.

Fast forward to age 22 when I started dating who I describe as the love of my life. I had read a

lot of books by this point, and some internet erotica. I knew that rough sex made me wet. That

power exchange was something I was into. So one day, I got brave, and asked him to spank

me. Now, I was braced for the initial "What the fuck?!" face. But that dragged out into a full two

minute stare down, It ended with me crying myself sick in the bottom of the shower, water on,

and clothes still on.

What can I say? Water is my safe place.

So when that relationship fell apart 2 years later, I began what I call my Year of Hell, during

which my number of sexual partners multiplied exponentially. I found my way into the company

of several different people who were of the Kink persuasion. I started some light training with a

couple of different Doms, touching on things like anal training, breath play, bondage, nipple

torture, bladder control, impact play, forced orgasms, and deep throating. Role play, including

Pet Play was also part of the adventure.

From there, I found a Dom who was willing to take me on on a live­in, permanent basis. He has

helped to open my eyes to a world of awesome kinkdom, and gave me a safe place to explore

all of those wonderful and perverse things. There are still some things I haven't tried, but there

are very few things which I am not interested in.

The rest, as they say, is history! ; )

Porn World Problems

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you've probably seen me use the hashtag

"PornWorldProblems". For those of you who don't follow me, what the hell are you waiting

for!?!?

A few examples of Porn World Problems are as follows:

1­ Having to repaint my nails every two days to be camera ready

2­ Not being able to shave my head on a whim (handlebars required ;) )

3­ Not having the heart to get a full back tattoo (and ruin a perfectly good canvass???)

4­ Having non­coworker partners constantly feeling inadequate (Dude! it's not a competition!!!!)

I think there's a longer blog post there...

5­ Trying to pick something to wear for a scene, knowing it's going to spend 98% of it's time off

camera, on the floor

6­ Remembering to take my socks off!!!

7­ Having to explain to guys who have always been able to get a nude shot from me, that I'm a

professional now...

8­ Having to figure out a Vanilla story for what I do all day at "work"

9­ "Working" so hard that I barely have energy for other "life" activities (Note to self: do not ride

the Sybian the day before grocery shopping...)

10­ Not being able to keep track of the days of the week (Weekend? There's an end to a work

week?!?!)

Yes, there are some stories there. Stay tuned for those, and many more!

Furnal Equinox 2014

I started this post the day after the Con, and then promptly feel victim to the PLAGUE!

So, better late than never, here is my two cents about this year's Furnal Equinox.

I'll admit, I wasn't even planning on going to Furnal this year, but was then asked to gather some artist information for local artists who we might want to work with to have caricatures and other art done for the Den of Nine Tails. So I dressed to the nines (even did my own makeup!), and headed out to the Con with my faithful Kitty.

I saw some familiar faces, either from last year's Con, or from the Furry crowd in London or Toronto, betwixt which I split my time.

Special mentions go out to Coop, Strype, Ty, Spice, Serena, Alkane,  James of Twisted Buttons.Com (see my Twitter feed for the photos of the buttons I walked away with from their booth), and Babs (who sporting a brand new fur suit!).

Despite being a little overwhelmed by the crowd, I had a great time. Met some new friends, and caught up with some old ones. I even got a chance to speak with Dr. Spencer Reed! (Okay, so it wasn't really him, but it was a good ice breaker!)

To find out where you can find me next, check out our Upcoming Events page!

Beach Bum!

Summer is finally here!

Packed the cooler, and the car and headed to Little Beach, in Port Stanley, on Lake Erie for the day! It was my first experience swimming in one of the Great Lakes, and also, my first time topless at the beach ;) Some of you may not realize, but Canadian Law (sections 173, and 174) permits men and women alike to be topless in public. I don't make a habit of walking down town like that, but the beach is the perfect place to do so!

I'll admit to being a little bit shy. I wasn't worried about people gawking at me (I'm a bit of an exhibitionist ;) ). I was worried that parents with children with them might say something, especially adolescent boys. But I am happy, and even a little bit proud, to announce that the only person who said anything, was a middle aged woman who was there on her own. She made a comment that there was "a nude beach over there", to which she received the thumbs up neutral acknowledgement. There were plenty of parents nearby, with children of all ages, and some even set up camp next to us while I was laying on the beach, catching some rays. None of them said boo. That made me feel good.

It made me proud to be Canadian, and proud to be surrounded by so many seemingly sex positive people, (or at least not snobbish prudes ;))

I'm planning at least one more topless beach day. If you want in on the fun, send me an email, and I'll try to give you a couple of days warning!

TheNerdyCompanion@Gmail.Com

Furnal Equinox: 2013

I attended my first over night convention over the weekend of the March 8th through 10th. Toronto's Sheraton Airport Hotel and Convention Center hosted Furnal Equinox, an annual Furry convention. Besides exchanging business cards, I also got to scope out some really awesome art and wares, as well as meet some very interesting people, sit in on informative panels, and even make some new friends.

Wares on display were things like Buttons, Leather Products, Jewelry, T-Shirts, and more Jewelry, as well as artists taking commissions, of course. For the spread sheet of vendors whose business cards I picked up, please click here. (See? Trading business cards wasn't just a gimmick, I put work into this! :P)

The panels that I was interested in were largely to do with writing and Podcasting. Anyone know what foreshadowing means? ;)

I didn't end up with the energy to manage to walk around the Con all day every day and still make it out to the Karaoke nights every night, however there was a lot of Rockband action. I sang for over an hour the first night! Note to self: singing Evanescence while you have a cold is a very bad idea! I hit the notes, but my voice did not thank me, nor did my lungs :P

The Parade was really something to behold. There were over 200 Fursuiters prancing through the convention center, waving, sweating, and preening for the cameras. I managed to grab a spot with amazing back lighting, and caught the whole thing on video. 

I lucked out and ended up with a room on the ground floor, which was a blessing when you consider that Fursuiters get precedence. 

Best find of the weekend was Perkins restraunt. 24 hr breakfast, and not only do they serve ham steak, but when you order coffee or tea, they leave a carafe at your table!Furnal Equinox drew over 750 attendees, and there was over $ 6, 000 raised for the Mississauga Humane Society (every Furry's charity of choice ;-)  ) thanks to a charity auction, art show, and donations.

All in all, I had a great time at the event. It was a great warm up for next year's plans to attend AnthroCon in Pittsburgh.

I wish that I would have thought to get more pictures taken! And if anyone has any of me, or with me in the background, please email them to me! But here's one of me with a very pretty Kitty ;)

Fitocracy

Alright y'all, time for a little freebie from The Nerdy Companion about a website that will change your life! Before you ask, no, I am not being paid to write this as an ad for the site in question :P 

I have discovered an amazing tool for Geek Fitness! Fitocracy has an app for your phone, so you can track your workouts on the fly. You earn points for everything you do, including negative points for sitting on your ass ;) As you gain points, you earn levels! And depending on what you're doing to earn those points, you can even unlock achievements.

Are you a math nerd? Maybe you can figure out the algorithms they use to calculate your points based on your height, weight, and gender, as well as the workout details. You can add layers to what you track to include variations like distance, weight carried, terrain type, etc. You get more points the harder you push yourself. Want to challenge yourself? Do 5 more sit ups than you usually do. Walk up 2 more flights of stairs. Hold that Wall Sit for 20 more seconds. It’s worth it, literally!

I am currently level 7. I've unlocked a couple of achievements, and I'm working on my second quest. I took my first trip to a weight room since high school. I've been doing crunches, lunges, sit ups, even push ups! And they are all worth points! I've already noticed progress as far as my weight is concerned, and some toning. I'm hoping to work on my strength, as I've lost a lot of the muscle definition in my arms and upper body.

I’ve always been very self motivated, but a change in my health has made keeping fit something that has fallen to the wayside. Some friends of mine told me about Fitocracy, and now I can’t say enough great things about it!

Join up! Find muscles you forgot, or never knew you had! Try new moves and combinations as you work towards completing the available Quests and unlocking Achievements. Feeling feisty? Start a quest, or challenge your friends to a duel! Invite your Gamer buddies to power lvling sessions whether it’s at Game, or razzing each other over voice chat on your favourite gaming console or computer. You can even post your bragging rights/progress via Facebook, Twitter, and Tumbler.

Oh, and while you’re at it, Follow me, NerdyCompanion, and send me a message telling me how much you love my blog ;)