Let's Talk About Body Image

A question that I don't hear very often is, "Do you feel secure in your own skin? Do you have

any body image issues?"

People assume that because I am a sex worker, because I appear nude on camera, because I

come across as so self confident, that I couldn't possibly have any issues in these areas. *cue

sarcastic laughter*

Even when I was in high school, and was lithe and athletic, I was self conscious of my body.

Even if I had that body today, I would still be self conscious. When you grow up being bullied,

your looks are often the first thing that come under attack. For a young girl, some of those things

stick.

One of those thoughtless things that was said was "Thunder Thighs". Years later, a compliment

that has become the counter balance to that thought was as follows: During a conversation with

one of the first Doms that I ever got involved with, I asked him what the first thing that drew him

to me was. Keeping in mind that we met when I was working at a café. My typical work attire

was yoga pants and a 'wife beater'. His response was "The first thing I thought was 'Wow,

there's a pair of thighs a man could get lost between'."

So that's the kind of thing I try to keep in mind when I'm running around in short shorts, or a mini

skirt, or just my panties, or nothing at all. It's the thing I try to cling to when I'm dreading the

thought of having to go clothes shopping, or, heaven forbid, purchase my first bikini.

I spend a fair amount of time re­watching the footage of porn I've shot. Often spending an hour

at a time taking stills from the footage. I have described this as an exercise in self confidence. I

make the quip that I am slowly learning to see past the cottage cheese. But here's the stupid

thing. I don't find fault in other people's bodies! Only my own! I'm my own worst critic. I find all

body types appealing to some degree. I find small physical flaws like skin tags, or scars, or the

aforementioned cottage cheese, fascinating! I have an oral fixation and am a visual learner, so I

love things like that!

I don't fake orgasms, but the self confidence that I exude is something sorely won. There are

still some days that I don't want to look in the mirror, or wear anything revealing.

So please, if you're hesitating to give me, or any other sex worker or adult entertainer a

compliment, because you think that it will sound corny, or cheesy, or that we don't need that

little confidence boost, please remember that at the end of the day, we are people too. A kind

word goes a long way, cheesy or not :P